He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
