That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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