I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
