and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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