I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
