I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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