So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
