no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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