i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
