so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
