worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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