True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
