I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
