You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dear god my vagina.
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