My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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