i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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