so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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