We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
