Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize