My Higher Power is John Stamos
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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