i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ttyl tear gas
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
