When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
