Where is the hickey?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
