Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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