Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Mom said you looked used
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize