you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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