I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up backwards on a recliner
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
