So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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