the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize