Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
