Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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