We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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