Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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