I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
