I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
