Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
