If you die in college, do you die in real life?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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