The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Text me some of your sweat
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