she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
