Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I still have a little drunk in my system
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
