There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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