we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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