I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize