After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
