We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
