U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
