an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
