first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
