omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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