I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
