he puts the penis in happiness.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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