Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
