I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
