I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
