we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She said her name was "party"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
