It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
