If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
