o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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