This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
