I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
