did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
