There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
