That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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