There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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