You're my little dorito
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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