my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize