i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
