I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
